This is a post to no one.

You know what?
You don't fucking deserve all things I do for you.
You don't deserve not even half of them.
You are selfish, and controlling, and arrogant. And you always want things the way you think are right.
But you know what, you fucking bastard?
I know you are resistant because you wanna be in control, but guess what? I'm the one controlling.
I'm not anymore on the position that you can just come, and go whenever you feel like. I'm doing that now.
I am leaving.
I am coming.
I'm the one who says what I want you to do in bed and the one who wants attention, now.
I'm tired of always having everything always ready for you and not getting anything back. Not even a thing. Not even thank you, sometimes.
And I know you are afraid. You are freaking out. I know you like I know my own hand, even if you don't tell me anything.
I feel it. It's intuition, you know?
You are so afraid of falling in love... and especially with me.
I know when you are lying, when you are talking to your freaking ex, I know when you tell me things just to piss me off. And you do piss me off telling me them.
I need someone to add to me, not to subtract, or to make me jealous.
And I'm tired of apologizing.
I don't need apologizing.
I need care, and attention, and getting back the time I'm losing on thinking about you 24/7.
And I know that I need to be patient, as you have told me between the lines... and I am patient, but I need to know it is worth it.
I need to know that, at the end, you'll be mine. You'll be with me, and I'll can see you whenever I want.
I need to know that there's not a better kiss in the world than the one you give me when we are together. Just with ourselves as companies.
I need to know that your perfume on my skin will disappear next day and won't last forever on my nose...
I need to know that all these memories will vanish from my mind when I ask them to.
I need to be sure that I won't shriver anymore when I remember the day we were together for the first time. Crazy night, uhn?
I hate you so much.
I have to hate you so fucking much right now.
I hate that I want you so badly with me at this couch in sitting on. Just to watch TV and sleep together.
Or watch a movie. Or even going out like we always do. Or to have wild and crazy sex.
Or, maybe, you come here and just be yourself. Handsome and poisonous.

Your love is the killing kind.